I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
How external is "for external use only"?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
