I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
