Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
