It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
