is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
