my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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