So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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