can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
