I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I want a musical about memes.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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