i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
