Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
