Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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