i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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