We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
