I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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