I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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