I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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