getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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