I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
