Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
