Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
