When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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