I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
