if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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