Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
