Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
