Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
