Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
