if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize