so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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