I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
