I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
