final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Holy shit dude........stairs
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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