After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
My dick has a subreddit
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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