he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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