I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
