My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
the room spins SO much faster in panama
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Randomize
