i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
