I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
