just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
