it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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