i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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