woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
