There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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