is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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