Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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