She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
