Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
