The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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