I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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